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New: On Watching and Joining, One Dad’s Response

From the Editor:

This morning opened with a very sensitive post from one of our Dad’s who has always provided great feedback on our coverage and ruminations. I thought the comment and our response deserved just showing, as issues concerning our children are often emotionally charged.

“What about fathers like myself, that have paid child support every week without delay for 14 years now. Even as I watch the money I send to support my child is used at the casino or on vacations for the mother. My son comes over with dirty clothing, long hair and generally unkept. There is nothing I can do, besides buy him clothing, cut his hair and try not to make him feel like any of this is his fault. I could go on and on, but I think it is safe to say that there is a fair amount of “Dead beat mothers” also. Even though they receive a check every week from the child’s father.” ~ Jarred Lussier

Jarred’s commentary left me wondering whether emotion provoked misunderstanding, or whether our intentions were not clear. My response is below:

As always, I thank you for your insights and commentary. In reading your response to the post, several things came to mind and I will try to address them each here. I will also re-post the comment, because I think it is important that you and others understand that non-support is a serious issue.

Women have remained silent out of embarrassment and systematic humiliation for too long. The result is factually and astoundingly not acceptable.

Silence and apathy about the failed system and the Deadbeat Dads who manipulate it, is not only detrimental to those who choose to do the right thing, but is a serious injustice to the majority who are suffering, the women and children involved.

Women are no longer standing by and allowing the abuse to happen, nor are they sitting in silence as the purveyors of the system, not only watch it happen, but participate – the Watchers and Joiners.

First, the issues that you raise, are parenting issues, not non-support issues. In just a short post you exhibited much emotion and angst with a very personal situation.

Second, your question, “What about fathers like myself, that have paid child support every week without delay for 14 years now?” speaks volumes. You have in the past and I’m sure will continue in the future to take care of your child. Kudos to you.

We are addressing Deadbeat Dads who don’t provide support, try to avoid paying requisite support, use the court system as a control mechanism over the moms (sustaining abuse), and in many cases pay lawyers thousands and thousands of dollars to not provide support to their children.

These men deliberately manipulate and deceive in order to avoid taking care of their children, sometimes out of nothing but spite and hatred aimed at the mother and children. They choose to be Deadbeat Dads. It’s a choice they make every day.

We are also addressing the failure of the system that allows the situation to continue, day after day, month after month, year after year, while the children and custodial parents suffer. They choose to partake in doling out abuse and misery, and the proof is in the facts.

You should certainly be commended for providing for your child. It’s the right thing to do.
I hope that you will continue to read with an open mind, as the stories of these women and children, myself included unfold.

The reality is disturbing, Jarred. It’s appalling and as one mom said just last night, “It’s vile.”

Again, I thank you for always providing thought-provoking contributions to the subjects posted.


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